I'm posting my thoughts and frustrations here because FB is way too public for this. Someone please explain to me why some men don't feel it is important to talk AT ALL.... My first reaction is, he's cheating on me or using me. I do research and find this is a common problem (big surprise). The research says men are intimidated by the superior female talking skills and are weary of saying the wrong thing and getting in trouble. That they naturally retreat to their cave when they are stressed or upset.

Seriously? Do they do this at work? Probably not. They have to communicate there. If I'm such a stressor, why be in a relationship with me? How do I approach this topic with him without seeming nagging or threatening. Seriously. This man will go 5 days without communicating with me at all. Once it's time for a date night, he's a chatterbox. The reason I don't drop him like a hot potato is he's very sweet once we're together.

Don't know how much more stress I can take here. Oh, and I've dumped him once for this behavior and he came running back within a month. UGH!!

What are they trying to tell me now?

So my spirit helper(s) talk to me through music. Pretty sure it's my grandma. So, anyway, today I'm driving home and the "pick five at five" or whatever it's called comes on. Some new person sends in their request for five songs to play at rush hour each day. I happen to be thinking about an ex at that moment. The first song is NIN. (they're from CLE). Cool. Next song is the Violent Femmes (WI band). That's when I think someone might be talking to me. I live in CLE, but home is WI. Ok, so what song is thrown at me next? "Wish u were here". This is the song that came on the radio the minute I left the ex's house the last time I saw him. And it ended exactly as I pulled into my driveway. Huh. He also happens to live here but is originally from WI. Huh. Next song was "Caress Me Down". OK, mindless sex song which was appropriate for how the last month of the relationship seemed to be. So, I wondered, what's this fifth song going to be? I told my grandma to finish out the sign by making this last song be about our future potential. What does she play me? A song by Muse. Something about someone's soul being a black hole. That can't be good.....can it??!

Whatev...

So, I'm always waiting for life to settle down. It never does. My DailyOM today told me it is because subconsciously I crave the adrenaline rush of the drama. Whatev. I think it's just because I somehow am attracted to men who never emotionally matured. Or they're attracted to me and I just am flattered that someone is showing interest in me. I need to be more picky. I regret letting one asswipe in particular put a dent in an old friendship and pretty much wipe out a burgeoning one. I think we're all on a better path now. I know I'm good with the old friend. Hopefully the hilarious and insightful new one will give it a second go with me.

Do I even want to do this?

I still kind of look down on blogging. Who cares, right? I guess I could look at this as a diary. Get everything off my chest. No one will read this anyway.